Did you really choose?
I have the “walk away” super power. And it is is fantastic. When used for the good of all mankind… or my own good. Some people just stay. The town they grew up in. The childhood friends. The college friends. Stay in the first house they ever buy. Or even if they move, they stay connected with those old neighbors. They stay with the same company unless forced to leave. Stay, stay, stay. Maybe it works for them.
I’m not built that way. Had a high school teacher that once said:
“Think of your best friends. Did you choose them? Or is it really just circumstances that brought you together? Always have the courage to walk away when the time comes. After all, your friends are really just people. The world is full of them.”
His words were lost on most of my classmates. Probably a touch too brutal too. But not me. If you can’t leave, you miss growing. Still, the walk away was not easy. I think of the kid in a street gang. How does he ever get away? The worst possible life for him, yet still so hard to leave it. Most of us have lived in our own personal “street gang”. Suffocating. Narrow. Mind numbing. Or much worse.
Did you walk away?
How far away do you live from your home town? How many people do you still see or talk to? Not Facebook. Actually talk to? If you still live in or near that town, you probably have a few. Or more than a few. I have never lived anywhere near my old hometown. I walked away.
When I graduated from high school, I had several local colleges I could attend for free. But I packed my bags, took out loans and drove five hours to a campus i had never even visited. I knew I had to get as far away as possible. Scared the crap out of me. Until I got there.
Graduating from college I knew I needed to work first. Not go directly to grad school. Again, I knew I had to walk away… this time from the safety of the academic cocoon. For jobs… I had a few local offers… but I politely refused. I would only take a job in another state. Bold, maybe arrogant move, for someone graduating in the worst economy in decades. After months of stress… it worked out.
Courage
Many times it was tough. I have met good people in my life:
“There are places I’ll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone, and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead, and some are living
In my life, I’ve loved them all” – John Lennon
But how many good friends do I still have from my old hometown? Zero. College? Zero. Work…. ok, not quite zero, but it has been less than three years.
I have met fantastic neighbors here. Maybe we will stay in touch after the move. But I have walked away enough to know, it probably won’t happen. They will be replaced by fantastic new neighbors.
This may be easy for me as I have had a strong partner for most of my journey. Still, my advice to someone contemplating a move… going far away to college, taking that job in Portugal, or New Zealand (I still regret not taking that internship)… go for it! Don’t mourn the friends you leave behind too long. Celebrate the new ones you will meet along the way. Develop that super power.
Walk away.